Trusting Your Own Evolution

There can be a tendency to think that change happens through force.

More effort. More discipline. More pressure.

But what if the deepest transformations unfold gently?

In this episode, I reflect on the subtle ways life seems to participate in our growth once an intention has been planted.

What if we allowed change to happen through relationship with life itself rather than pushing ourselves to instantly transform into a ‘better’ person?

We explore:

• The difference between forcing change and participating in it
• The unseen roots of change
• How intention, attention, and action work together
• A short practice at the end to help you connect with what wants to emerge from within you.

✧ Questions to Ponder

• What quality of being is asking to take up more space in my life?
• In what ways is this already happening?

With warmth,

Rachael

P.S. there are a few random electronic chirpy sounds I couldn’t edit out, thanks for your tolerance! 

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Thanks for listening! 

🪞 Want to go deeper?  

FREE VISUALISATION
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If you want a space to connect with more of who you are and move towards what lights you up, I offer 1:1 depth coaching. Find out more: https://www.rachaelebanksgold.com/working-together

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_02 0:02

Your stone craves something more. Your heart wants joy. Not busy. You're done with all the chests and ready to reconnect with what trees not. Welcome. I'm Rachel, and this is the Software Podcast. And listen to the voice within me that's always no tree. Join me for practical insight to help you grind the presence. Connect with your higher self. And let this version of you lead your life with painfulness and gentle power. And without the pressure to figure it all out. Because you are supported. Life is with you. So come on home. Hello. Hi. So today's episode is about change, about the process of change, and how it's a lot gentler than we might expect, and also that there's room for us to be gentler with ourselves in the process of change. I know for me that there can be this sense that oh god, there's so much to do, so much to be, and so much yet to experience. Like there are still dreams of mine that feel very far away, or it can feel like the person that I want to be, or there are certain traits that I want to embody more. It can feel like there's so many hurdles yet to get over in order to arrive at that place that experience that embodiment. Maybe we can actually relax a little and trust in our own evolution, like just trust in the process itself. The other night I had this like interesting and enjoyable moment. I could sense something was changing in myself, and also this kind of feeling that it wasn't just me, you know, that changes were happening around me. And this is kind of related to something I touched on a few episodes back about feeling connected, and more than that, like a different quality of connecting, a sense of warmth and openness. So I'm noticing this in supportive, fun conversations with friends, conversations about poetry and creativity and making a positive impact, noticing it in the types of videos that are appearing in my feed, people speaking from this real place of authenticity and love, and it just feels quite new, and also I'm experiencing it in my own kind of urges to communicate with people, and sometimes with people where in the past I've actually had some sort of feelings of contraction around, and it's been difficult. There's been the sense of separation and um sort of backing away, and I'm just sensing just a different quality, um, a different energy. So instead of the sort of pulling away a wish for that person's happiness, and this genuine desire to connect. So not coming from the head, from shoulds, but coming from the heart. Like I can actually feel this this lightness, this spaciousness, this energy spreading across my well, my entire being really. And that was what I noticed a couple nights ago, and it was just really powerful, and it does make me wonder how many other people might be experiencing something similar. Maybe you're noticing something shifting too. So, why does this matter? Why is this important? Why am I telling you this? Well, sometime ago in my journey, I became aware of how closed and how small my heart had become. Like many of us, the biggest response to life that I had learned in my earlier years essentially was self-protection. I honestly had this belief, being frank with you, that people are arseholes. There was just this feeling like I needed to protect myself, and so life wasn't about receiving and giving warmth and care. It was about protecting myself and finding ways to feel better about myself or feel more stable or safe within myself. So I definitely wasn't open-hearted like that. It just felt like I was the opposite, and yet I feel deeply, you know, I care deeply about certain things. I'm not like cut off from humanity, so there was this one part that was tight and scared and switched off, and then another part that was tender and loving, and that part didn't really get many chances to play in the world, it was kind of the secret moments, you know, with the very few people or beings, namely cats, um, where I felt like I could just, you know, where I didn't need to protect myself. So with this awareness that, you know, that okay, there were like these two kind of diverging energies or desires or qualities within me, and also noticing how the contractedness of me of my heart of like things in relation to communication and interaction and stuff, like noticing where that was bumping up against other parts of me and and certain desires that I had, and just seeing how actually I was creating a lot of um, you know, inadvertently creating deeper feelings of isolation, of I'm not a good person, and all the rest of it. There was a point at which I realised like this was active in me, but also I could see that actually there were possibilities to be and feel something different, and so I set my intention. I want to be more open-hearted. That was my declaration, and it felt like okay, well, I got some work to do, and you know, I did to a degree, but in some ways it's been more the other way around, like the intention worked on me rather than me working on the intention. It wasn't this like neat three-step process, and at first it seemed like nothing at all was really happening, you know. I was still in self-protection mode a lot, and I judged myself for it, but bit by bit, little drops have made it through small moments of feeling compassionate, feeling nurturing, or being nurtured, those moments just were taken in fully. Maybe I noticed a more compassionate perspective on something that was arising alongside the standard well-known track of judgment. So those are the being and the thinking parts, moments where those were shifting. So those have been slowly building for some time since I set the intention, and I see these parts as like the unseen roots of change, you know. So people can't see them on the outside, but maybe you notice them, and sometimes we don't even notice them, but they're there, and now more and more the action part is starting to come through, to come through the soil. I'm now sensing more actual desires that are emerging, calls to action, and noticing too that with those small steps that I take, the warmth that I'm feeling through that intention and through the desire doesn't just move outwards into the world, but it also grows. Kind of like the more you engage it, the more it builds inside, the more it strengthens. So the process is still ongoing, you know. I'm not done by any means, but I know that every time I act from that place of warmth, of open-heartedness, of connection over separation, it strengthens, you know, it's like life is saying, yes, let's do this more. And little by little, something is being transformed. So the fear, the self-protection, the old habits. This is the alchemy I'm talking about. The gentle, subtle, slow but deep process of change. So it seems to me that we don't have to work hard. Okay, we can have an intention, implant it, and then just keep noticing the details of our inner lives, our emotions, sensations, the images in our mind, and also the outer life, like the conversations, the symbols we come across, the things that we listen to, knowing that they're all in some way possibly linked with the intention, and then saying yes to those little calls of action that come from within, from genuine desire, rather than oh yeah, I should do this, I should do that, because that's like part of who I'm trying to be. No, it's it's it's coming from genuine desire, because we the shoulds is something I really feel we are being invited to release. Because let's be honest, if we do something, let's say something kind, but because we think we should, it just feels different and also lands differently than you know, in comparison with the the act of kindness or whatever it is that's done from this genuine desire, you know. So I think if we can do that, if we can know what we want to grow, if we can set an intention, if we can pay attention and then say yes to those little nudges and urges, then everything that we are living can aid us in this process of change. You know, whether it's something that's helping us to see where our habits are causing pain, or situations where our habits are blocking the flow, or maybe moments where we see that just a tiny drop of intention in a certain situation can actually make quite a big impact. A brief story that I probably have shared before in some other form of media, but um there was once this person that I didn't get along with at all. They just seemed to me very harsh, and that just really didn't work with my sensitive nature, shall we say? And once there was this moment where I would have to interact with that person, it was pretty unavoidable. And so immediately I was flinching and contracting, and just like, no, no, no, no, no, my body and my mind, and in my whole being. Um, and then I at some point realized like I can't be like creating this momentum, I can't be perpetuating this negative momentum, and so I set an intention, and the word that came to me was harmony, and so I imagined like what would that look like if harmony was in this situation? There was harmony between me and this person, even though we're very different. So I imagined it and I could feel like wow, yeah, that's I'd definitely order that if I was at a restaurant, and so I did that and then I let go. And I don't know, a few days later, when I had to speak to this person, they were unbelievably uncharacteristically kind to me. It was just very weird. I was like, wow, and what that moment taught me is not that like you can control people through um, you know, the way you think, but it was more about taking back my sense of agency because initially I was contracted and you know wanting to avoid the situation, and actually what happened was that through my intention of harmony, I was just energetically more available, more open, more willing to even engage in a conversation because we obviously can't control every situation, but we do have agency in how we energetically show up in it, and that can make the difference, you know, even if it's just in terms of you feeling a sense of dignity within yourself or a sense of capacity, regardless of how the other person responds or shows up. So there's no need to force yourself to be different, you know. You might want to be more creative, be more assertive, be less in your head, more in the moment. Great. So, with that desire, you can set an intention and then pay attention. You know, you might see people who are free in the way that you want to be free and notice how it looks on them. You might see people who are on the other side of the spectrum and how much unnecessary pain is generated as a result. You might notice certain lyrics to a song which really illustrate the vibe that you're wanting to bring in, or you try a new meditation practice, or you write down something in your journal that stood out from an interaction. Whatever it is, good or bad, it all has the potential to be of service to us, to be of use to us. So it's not that you're on your own pushing some boulder up a hill. It might be that life itself is working on the transformation with you. You know, the soul is seeking fuller expression whether we like it or not. So again, it's not us having to force and push on our own. It's more just staying connected to life, helping it help us. So just keep paying attention, listen out for the signs of when your body is moving you towards something from actual desire, and maybe treat this like a laboratory, you know. Watch what happens, take notes, try something new. Because every experiment, everything that you have observed, whether it's successful or not, is helping the discovery unfold. Alright. So let's end with a moment. A moment for you to connect with the thing that you've been working on, or the quality that you feel has been trying to emerge. Okay, so bringing your attention into your body. Maybe feeling your hands, sensations in your hands, temperature of your hands. Simply noticing the activity of life inside your body. Any fear, any doubt trying to tune into what is wanting to be lived and expressed in you more.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

What do you sense that is?

SPEAKER_02 20:29

Maybe a quality that you want to feel and be and embody.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

So that perhaps it doesn't quite feel like you yet.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

What's your intention around this?

SPEAKER_00 21:17

All the words.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

The impact it might have on your energy, your actions, your interactions. Any sense of judgment towards the parts of you that aren't like this. Knowing you don't need to be perfect for this. Knowing that all that's required is to pay attention to your inner life and your outer life. So letting go of that mini practice now. Trusting in your process. Trusting in the seeds you've planted. Trusting that it doesn't have to be hard. And that life is doing this with you, accompanying you.