Feeling Fear, Moving Forward

Is there something in your life that wants to be expressed…
but fear keeps you in your head?

In this episode, we explore a different way of relating to fear.

Not by getting rid of it,
but by allowing it.

So there’s more space.
More clarity.

And the ability to take a step forward. Even when fear is still there.

✧ A Question to Ponder

Who am I becoming by allowing this fear to be felt…and taking a step forward anyway?

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Thanks for listening! 

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:02

Your soul craves something more. Your heart wants joy, not busyness. You're done with all the shits and ready to reconnect with what truly nourishes you. Welcome, I'm Rachel, and this is the Soft Way Podcast. A space to quiet the noise, release the pressure, and listen to the voice within you that's always known your truth. Join me for soulful practical insights to help you ground into presence, connect with your higher self, and let this version of you lead your life with playfulness and gentle power. And without the pressure to figure it all out. Because you are supported. Life is with you. So come on home. Hello, hello, welcome. So this episode is um for you if there's something in life that is pulling you forward. Could be something seemingly small and just kind of very practical, or something that feels like quite a leap. But whatever it is, you can sense that it's important, but you can also feel that you're hesitating. Maybe there's some fear in you that's holding you back. And today's episode is an invitation to see if you can relate to that fear differently. See if you can find some spaciousness within the fear, and maybe even feel a little bit more able to move forward toward what it is that's pulling you, take action, show up somehow differently, even while that fear may still be here. So before we do that, let's just take a moment to arrive, settle into this moment. So if you like, you can adjust your posture a little. Maybe just sitting up straighter, dropping your shoulders, or maybe just connecting with your breath, allowing it to be ever so slightly deeper or slower than normal. And feeling your body. Feeling the weight of your body against the surface you're on. Feeling your stomach as your breath moves in and out. Noticing the balls of activity within this vessel. With openness and curiosity. Maybe being open to receiving something that supports you today. So today I want to talk about the F-word. Fear. Not how to get rid of it, but how to be with it in a way that allows you to take back the control over your experience, over your life. Now I've got a lot of experience with fear. So fear being a young person in school, being an adult in work. Yeah, so it's very much a part of my past, but also still here, you know, in in various ways, particularly around like being seen or allowing others to see me fully, to know me fully, you know, this kind of uh concern around like being judged and you know how how someone will receive me and perceive me. So I can feel even now, you know, how fear shows up in my life and and how it makes me want to hold back, run away, hide, guard myself. And this is just it, really. It's how we are interpreting fear that can really get in the way, more so than the fear itself. We might often be quick to assume that if the fear is there, then something isn't right, or that we shouldn't move forward. You know, our body through the fight of flight, and you know, the amygdala, which is the part of our brain that scans for danger, it's trying to protect us ultimately. It's trying to protect us, but it doesn't always know the difference between something that's actually unsafe, something that is actually unsafe, and something that's simply unfamiliar, so scary in the sense that you don't know what's on the other side, or that you don't know what the outcome's gonna be. So you might feel fear when you're about to speak up or make a change or allow someone to get closer to you, not because it's wrong, but because it's new. You might have an idea, you might feel this spark of excitement, of inspiration, but then comes the fear. The fear of how is this actually gonna be received and what's the feedback gonna be? And so you stop, you decide to keep quiet, or maybe you want to connect with someone more deeply or people more deeply, but again, it's like is it actually safe? I haven't done this before, or I usually am quiet here. Is it safe? And so you hold back. So it's easier in a way for us to just stay where we are, to just keep the status quo. It can feel easier, but it's kind of like we get bread crumbs instead of bread instead of a loaf of bread when we choose to listen to the fear and in interpret the fear as a stop sign. I even felt a little bit of fear thinking about recording this, you know, talking about this because part of me is like, who are you to talk about fear? You know, you're still very anxious in a lot of situations, you're still scared to do this, that, and the other, you still freeze in X, Y, and Z situation. And that's actually something I want to raise that we don't have to not feel it to in order to kind of um be good enough to speak up, you know. Fear doesn't disqualify us from sharing our thoughts or being a scene or whatever it is that ultimately you you want to do, you want to be, you know, so it's not this stop sign, it's more of a signal that we are approaching the edge between the old and the new, and yeah, that can feel uncomfortable. Am I willing to feel it? Am I willing to hold that discomfort? I've noticed that if I don't allow myself to feel fear, if I don't allow the feelings, the discomfort to be felt, it kind of just gets stuck in my head, triggering a whole bunch of judgmental thoughts about myself and self-doubt and overthinking, trying to predict outcomes, and it can become a bit of a loop. And on the other hand, when I stay with what's happening in my body, and let that storyline that's trying to bubble up through my resistance, let that just kind of fade into the background, then it becomes just a sensation. Whether it's a tightening, a flutter, contraction, just sensations. If you allow those sensations to exist, to take up space, reminding yourself it's okay to feel this. It's okay to feel fear. Whatever it is, it shifts. So being able to move forward, to expand isn't about getting rid of fear, you know. It can feel like, yeah, if I can just get to a point where I don't feel this scared, then I can do this thing, then I can act in this way, show up in this way. But it we'll be waiting forever if that's the case, you know. So we don't have to get rid of the fear, it's about changing our relationship to it. So noticing it, allowing it, and releasing the story that that we tend to attach to the feeling, the fear. That is what's going to help you to move out of the status quo and move into a place where the thing that you're wanting to step into, be it small or big, that can start to be okay because you will start to build evidence of its being okay and being safe when you do it, which requires, as I said, being willing to feel the discomfort, allowing the fear to just be sensations, not a signal to stop. And in my own life, there was there's been many moments of of of this where, for example, I've mentioned this before, um, but I used to feel really anxious about speaking in meetings. I'd just be so like in my own world, and I'd just zip it, basically, I wouldn't say anything, I'd just be frozen, being afraid to say what I actually think or feel for fear of like it not meet like matching the other person's agenda or view, so I stayed quiet, and the feeling of smallness of being the small thing just persisted, and now I still notice those tiny explosions of anxiety in my body in various situations, but more and more they're becoming just sensations, you know, rather than signs of my inadequacy. So the fear hasn't disappeared, I've not become this like super confident um person who has no fear, basically. Like that's not what's happened, but my relationship with it has changed and is changing. I think it's just helpful to name that because again, I think we pressure ourselves, like especially when we see things in us that that we want to change that are blocking us, you know. So we judge the fact that we're not bold enough or whatever to do the thing that we feel called to do, then that keeps us locked in it even more, you know, when we're judging ourselves for it. And so I do think it's helpful to just reframe and recognise that you don't have to change, you don't have to be a different person. Like you don't have to not feel the fear, but the invitation is to actually allow it, allow it and stay with it and not get sucked into the story of it. So that self-judgment also ties in with um the next point I want to make, which is sometimes the fear feels so like overwhelming because of how we are viewing ourselves, like we're viewing ourselves in this very fixed, limited way. But if you look back on your life, I imagine that there are many things that you used to be afraid of that now feel quite normal. You know, you've already grown in ways that at some point before you just maybe didn't even think you could. Could be really small things, again, all big things. I used to be petrified of driving. I would have dreams about driving. This was before I passed my test, and actually, even after I passed my test, I had this story that like I should never drive. It's not safe for me to drive, it's not safe for myself or other people, and I was really convinced of it. And I could have allowed that story to persist and stop me from driving, but I had this desire also at the same time to have the freedom that comes with driving, and so you know, so I did some practical things to basically get me in the car practising. Now, this may be quite different to the fears that you have. Maybe the fears that are blocking you today are things that are very closely linked to your identity, you know, this identity of being a quiet person or being someone who doesn't fit in or someone who's not respected, or um whatever it might be, then there may be some sort of deep stories about that. So maybe the the driving example doesn't resonate, but that is something I wanted to highlight because the fear that I had was so large, and it really felt very real, very um almost wise to listen to it. And here I am years later, having driven on motorways across Europe. Um so yeah, just take a moment to connect with that that idea of there's probably things that you were scared of before that you you've over overcome that. So just let that be a piece of evidence that fear is not a sign that you're inadequate. So maybe the question isn't how do I get rid of this fear, or should I be doing this thing that I feel called to do, but I'm so scared of? Maybe it's instead, who am I becoming by allowing this fear to be felt? Who am I becoming by allowing this fear to be felt and taking a step forward anyway? Saying yes to temporary discomfort and yes simultaneously to the life or the version of me that is calling me forth. So let's just take a moment here to tune in again. Feeling your body connecting with your breath. Noticing any tension in your face, in your jaw, and your shoulders, and your stomach, and your arms, and your legs, and just letting any tension soften as you breathe. Where is fear trying to convince me to stay small right now in my life? Where is fear telling me to stay small right now? You don't have to do everything. Maybe there's one small thing that you've been holding back from. And what am I afraid of? What am I afraid might happen if I go forward? So you're getting to that root here. And then just noticing what it feels like to let feeling be here. To let that fear be here. You don't have to be fearless. Fear is always gonna show up as long as we're alive. As long as we're intentionally expanding. Letting the fear be here. Without letting it decide how things get to be for you. How you get to be in this world. And something that helps me remember that is to imagine fear is like sitting in a car with me. I'm driving, so I'm the one driving, not the fear. And the fear is just there. My little passenger in the back seat. I can see it as like a little child with a colouring book and crayons, and just kind of quietly doing its thing, it's there, not bothering me. I'm driving, and we can both be be here together. That kind of makes me think fondly of the fear, which allows me to allow it and therefore stay in control. Okay, so you don't have to wait for it to go. In order to move forward. So that's my reflection on fear for today. I hope that something in that has been helpful, has resonated. And just want to say I appreciate you, I appreciate you being here. Not just for listening to me, but being here. Speak to you very soon. Bye.